As we discussed in the previous post, there are a plethora of negative traits out there, or at least traits that get a bad rap despite not entirely being negative. As we’ve seen in some cases, these traits can be positive and even virtuous in the right amounts.
I highly encourage anyone reading to put yourself and your behaviors under the microscope to see if any of these traits have grown to toxic levels. As we said in part one, you can grade each of these behaviors and/or traits on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest and most definitely the most toxic.
This may seem like a sensitive topic (pun intended) but being overly sensitive can be a very harmful trait. Not so much on those who offend you, but on yourself entirely.
How to find the right level of SENSITIVITY: I’ve worked with many people over the years who are far too sensitive. You almost can’t finish your critique without them lashing back out at you. Their response can be a range of emotions, from sadness, to anger, to outright resignation.
I’m not sure if I was blessed with a certain gene or just grew up in the right conditions, but it takes a lot to get under my skin, some phrases hurt more than others. The hardest time for anyone to deal with a sensitive person is when there is a pressing matter at hand or something that must be addressed, and this could be with a spouse, significant other, room mate, coworker or employee.
Realize that most things people say are not to be taken personally. The hardest type of criticism to take is on your own work or behavior of course. There really is no short-cut to being less sensitive other than understanding that if it hurts to hear, it’s probably worth digesting and reflecting on. Unless of course what is being said is just plain hurtful and malicious. People will do this from time to time and it’s important to to take note of it.
Life is not nice to sensitive people. But this hardship comes from their own self-inflicted anguish, sadly. It can stem from various places, like insecurity. One way to change your mindset to become less sensitive is to actually seek out NEGATIVE feedback. After a while you will build up some resilience.
And ask yourself, is your sensitivity stemming from your ego? Your insecurities? Your attachment to a project or idea? When you understand WHY you feel a certain way, you can begin to let go or change course.
Oh the Narcissist. This word gets thrown around a lot these days, in an age where SnapChat and Instagram reign supreme, there are so many buzzwords out there that are stereotypical of narcissist behavior. With the huge amount of the U.S. Population being “millennial” or just young, whatever you want to call them, many of us get a bad rap for being “narcissistic.” But I digress, how could this trait be any good for somebody? Well it’s more obvious than you think.
Among the traits I’ve listed, this is the ONLY one that is one of the Dark Triad personality traits, which you can take here. They cover Machiavellian, Psychopathy, and Narcissism.
Narcissism can be very harmful to the people who are around the narcissist, but often time this doesn’t show up initially. It can take up to a year before you truly see the narcissist in someone. On a side note, it can take up to a year before you really start to understand the true nature of any person.
There is a long list of things to watch out for. Some are simple things bragging about how many views their snapchat gets, or the awesome new clothes they have. Other things can seem obnoxious, like ramming opinions about sports down other peoples throats, or going on 15 minute uninterruptible tangents about things most people probably don’t care about, or needing to control situations as much as possible. On the harmful end of the spectrum, the narcissist will put people down fairly often, especially in a social setting, wielding some sort of questionable alpha male demeanor.
There are many things to watch out for, and I’d recommend doing your own research to get a bigger picture of your every day narcissist.
How to do NARCISSISM the right way: If you want a deep dive into Narcissism, I’d suggest reading the Wikipedia page or looking into the various forms of literature out there on narcissism. There are tons of books about it, probably more so than any other psychological trait.
“Healthy narcissism might exist in all individuals. Freud said that this is an original state from which the individual develops the love object. He argued that healthy narcissism is an essential part of normal development.” – Wikipedia
There is a little bit of narcissism in all of us. To have absolute ZERO narcissism would almost be the equivalent of having no respect for yourself what-so-ever. To care nothing of your image, or even of your health.
The best way to battle narcissism in yourself is to be aware of the negative traits that a true narcissist has. Taking a selfie is fine, but doing it every day might seem a bit excessive. We must also look at the intention behind it. Are you taking a picture of yourself at the Taj Mahal in hopes your ex gets jealous? That’s pretty shitty.
Are you going to the Gym so you can have big muscles and act more like a douche bag at the bar? You need to get your priorities straight. Are you going because it makes you feel good and you have a lot of respect for yourself and like looking good? Then that’s okay, and perfectly healthy.
Are you trying to make a bunch of money selling penny stocks so you can buy the most expensive car you can find and blow a grand at the strip club while doing $200 worth of coke off of a blue-chip hookers ass? I mean it sounds fun and all, but clearly your goals are whack!
Are you trying to make a bunch of money in hopes of starting a new business venture that will make the world a better place? Or even just making more money to send your kids to a better school or buy them some new clean clothes. These are the right values.
When something is wrong, do you blame everyone else? When the project goes beautifully, do you try and take all the credit? Do you brag about how great everything you do is, despite it being things that take no effort at all? Do you take those “great” things and rant on about them ad-nauseam to your peers (victims?)
I hope you don’t. But remember, it’s okay to take a picture showing off your body. It’s okay to have a healthy conversation about how healthy you eat, or how well you did on the new contract. It’s okay to wear nice clothes or brag about how many books you read (whoops.) Just be reflective, and aware of the things you say and do and how they might make other people feel. Be empathetic and remember, that everyone you’ll ever meet wants to tell you their story.
This concludes the negative trait series. I understand there are a lot of negative traits out there, some that may also have a positive side to them. If you would like me to write about any of these, let me know and I will consider writing a part 3.
Remain forever a student…